I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
