Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
