OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize