just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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