Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i out mim tonsoeep
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