We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
