I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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