Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
