Got a toothbrush?
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
