Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
