we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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