We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have feelings that need drinking.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
