I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize