Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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