So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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