PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
