She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
