I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
