i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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