I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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