They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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