I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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