im so drunk with asians
where?
always
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
