i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
