tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
