How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
