For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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