i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
