His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Is Oprah even human
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
