and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
