that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
