Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
