Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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