I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
