I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
