Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
