Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
