I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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