2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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