i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
