we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
