don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
