I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
