she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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