I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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