I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
