We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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