I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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