Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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