Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
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We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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