I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
