Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
