Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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