hell yes lets make some ravioli
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
