Where is the hickey?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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