mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
