dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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