I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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