Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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