so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize