my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
