I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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