If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
