I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
