he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
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he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
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Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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