you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Houston, we have a squirter
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Boobs speak an international language.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
