how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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