I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
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I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
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When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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