She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
