I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
