she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
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Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
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Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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