just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
