an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
