I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
