dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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