Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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