if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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